By Abdulwasiu Hassan
The mobile phone that links millions of hearts in Africa's most populous nation is turning out to be the cause that's breaking them, too.
A cat-and-mouse game invariably plays out at Isa's (not his real name) household every evening. Rabi (not her real name) starts eyeing her husband's mobile phone the moment he returns from work.
She eagerly waits for him to place the phone on the table and leave the room to freshen up so she can pounce on it.
As is her habit, Rabi frantically scrolls through the call list and messages before her husband is back. More often than not, it's an exercise that leaves her anxious rather than at peace.
"Whenever I pry into his phone, I find something that angers me. It seems he constantly chats with other women," she says, her voice laced with bitterness.
A mobile divide
Rabi's isn't an isolated case. In Nigeria, the mobile phone is driving a wedge between many such couples, breeding mistrust and sowing the seeds of doubt in otherwise blissful marriages.
Psychologist Aisha Bubah advises such couples to have a frank conversation about the likes and dislikes of their potential partners before tying the knot.
"Otherwise, we will end up in situations where the husband or wife feels the other is hiding things on the phone that may threaten the relationship," she tells TRT Afrika.
"The secret to keeping the balance after marriage is not going for things that threaten your relationship. If you do and leave traces on your phone, that is bound to create problems," says the lead psychologist of The Sunshine Series - Mind Wellness, a mental health service based in Abuja.
A brewing crisis
Trivial though it may appear, the breach of trust has assumed such existential proportions that Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso, a former governor of Kano, told couples at a recent mass wedding in the state, "I have just one advice for you: Don't peep into your spouse's phone because it’s a major cause of break-ups these days."
Many people in Nigeria believe access to a partner's phone is bound to affect a relationship. But there are also those like Rabi who feel entitled to check on what their spouses are up to.
The mobile phone is the means to snoop. "I feel obligated to know why he spends so much time on the phone. He changes the password of his screen lock frequently, but I am always a step ahead. I inevitably crack the code," she tells TRT Afrika.
Clearing the air
As part of an unspoken trade-off, Rabi makes it a point never to hide her phone from her husband. She makes sure it lies carelessly in front of him. But he isn't interested in even picking it up, let alone scrolling through her messages.
Instead, he is more worried about her sleuthing on him and has often taken up the issue with her sisters and mother.
"We end up having serious fights. Even clerics have tried to intervene, but unfortunately, I am so obsessed with checking his phone that I cannot stop," Rabi confesses.
So, what's the way out of the malaise that afflicts many relationships in Nigeria? Psychologist Bubah feels frank communication between partners and clearing the air about whether there is any evidence to doubt each other is of primary importance.
"Couples bickering over this issue need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation. They need to understand why this is happening in the first place, why they are not agreeing on such a trivial issue," Bubah says.
The irony isn't lost on anyone. A device meant to facilitate communication and forge a bond has become the trigger for relationships breaking.
