By Pauline Odhiambo
In her younger years, Tshimi Molebatsi couldn't understand the emotions that often overwhelmed her, much less comprehend the triggers.
"Growing up, I became used to my friends and family saying, 'Tshimi is so moody'. I would alternate between hectic bouts of anger and sadness, sometimes waking up very upset and enraged. And each such episode could last up to 10 hours," the 27-year-old South African recalls.
Tshimi battled borderline personality disorder, a mental health condition characterised by extreme emotions, impulsive behaviour and difficulty forming stable relationships.
Her condition was diagnosed in 2015 when a teacher at Tshimi's boarding school noticed that her mood swings were unusual. For days, she would stay confined to her bed, refusing to step out of her dormitory.
"I was feeling low all the time. One of my teachers would bring food to my dorm room to make sure I ate," Tshimi says. "One day, she told me, 'Girl, you need to come out of your room. You need to get help'."
Depression and anxiety
The psychiatrist who assessed Tshimi found out that she was anxious and depressed.
The diagnosis and ensuing treatment involving medication and therapy strengthened her resolve to finish high school and continue her studies abroad. But her mental health challenges persisted.
"At university, I was on a steady downward spiral. I didn't realise how much confidence academia required until I needed the confidence to get through school," says Tshimi.
"I drank a lot, engaged in destructive behaviour and barely did any of my assignments because I didn't feel confident enough to try."
Afraid of sinking deeper into depression, she returned to South Africa and checked into a mental health hospital in Johannesburg.
"That period in hospital was helpful because it involved an insightful 21-day programme and group therapy sessions that helped me come out of a very dark place," she states.
Women suffer the most
Two years after getting a grip on her emotions, Tshimi once again began experiencing extreme bouts of rage.
Upon further consultation with a psychiatrist, she was eventually diagnosed with BPD.
According to the International Journal of Law and Psychiatry, the prevalence of BPD in the general population is estimated to be 1.8%.
PubMed, an online repository of 37 million citations for biomedical literature, states that the condition is diagnosed predominantly in women, with a lifetime prevalence of 5.9% of the global population.
In many parts of the world, BPD isn't acknowledged due to the stigma attached to mental illnesses. BPD tending to mimic other mental illnesses also makes it that much harder to diagnose.
Tshimi represents a minuscule section of BPD sufferers who have shown the courage to speak about their battle against the condition.
Treatment protocols
"BPD can initially come disguised as some other type of mental disease like bipolar mood disorder. It often runs parallel with other psychiatric conditions like eating disorders and substance abuse disorders," says a Johannesburg-based psychologist.
Other symptoms of BPD include fear of abandonment, unclear or shifting self-image, impulsive or self-destructive behaviours, chronic feelings of emptiness and self-harm.
Family and friends of people with BPD can also show support by learning more about the condition and attending joint therapy sessions.
Tshimi says she often feels the urge to apologise to friends and family for her extreme emotional outbursts. She credits therapy and other treatment plans with keeping her on the right emotional track.
"I have been fortunate to have a good psychiatrist," she concludes.
"Therapy enabled me to let go of the shame I felt about having BPD, which has, in turn, made it easier for me to open up more to my doctors. I am no longer trying to hide anything."
➤Click here to follow our WhatsApp channel for more stories.
